It is rather incredible how easy it seems to me that I’m able to survive envy and jealousy.
What you’d read here are the simple, yet rewarding ways I’ve controlled being jealous/envious over the years. I call it the six ways of dealing with envy and jealousy.
1) Anytime I’m jealous of anyone (obviously close or known to me), I don’t keep it to myself. By saying to him or her, “hey, I’m jealous of your achievements really,” I open my heart to accept the space inside me that needs help.
I tell my needy self, “it’s okay,” and it echoes back, “yes, you’re okay too.”
2) Anytime I’m jealous/envious of someone (not close or known to me), I get angry! Yes. Anger is one emotion that propels me to action. It makes me sit up and work harder.
I’ll be like, “Wow, this guy is now working at the …, I wonder what I’m still doing here with all I have!” This singular thought is in fact, enough for me to turn this anger inwards and not outwards.
3) Anytime I’m jealous of someone (maybe a colleague or classmate), I quickly go make friends with the person. While in Ogun State, I had this classmate, Vincent, who was fantastically brilliant when it comes to his knowledge of history.
During classes, he’d be 95% correct in answering questions. I was no where close! One day, I approached him and a conversation ensued.
“Guy, how do you do it?”
“I mean the way you know history/current affairs so much…”
“Ha. That? Well, it’s my dad. We used to have newspapers at home…he knows so much, so I’d read…”
We got talking and I got enlightened. I learnt. Since then, I saw News in the papers at the school library. I improved and was appointed the school librarian!
4) Anytime I become jealous/envious of someone (talented – music, writing, playing, dancing, acting, etc), I pay the person to teach me. I have done this time and again. I remember Henry Isidore.
The first time I met this guy on stage. Damn! He got a voice! I approached him weeks later and asked him to help me. Henry and I would spend hours together practising how to sing in tonic solfas, etc.
Through him (and others), I got deeper and deeper into music, sang with a chorale group, performed on stage, played the Sax, piano, violin, recorder, guitar and flute – some of these, learnt through friends in a music academy.
That was how that first jealousy died a death. And yes, I didn’t need to be jealous of those who act drama, I’m drama myself. Who doesn’t know? ??
5) Anytime I’m jealous of someone’s love life/relationship, I build inside what I’d now call, “future pay back.” ??? Is your babe beautiful, supportive, strong and intelligent? Ha, bros, shine, it’s your time.
Mine would be their queen. If I still can’t find her, then I’ll ‘panel beat’ the one available to specifications. With love!
6) Anytime I’m jealous of someone (because he/she was promoted or is extremely intelligent), I use a touch light?? to look for them. During my undergraduate studies, I heard of a guy who was a guru when it comes to memorizing class materials.
This guy always had As, while I however, survived with headaches. I had to look for his house. He was surprised when I told him my mission. ??? That day, dude showed me a step by step method of memorizing volumes of materials.
I discovered that day, and the days that followed that:
Anytime jealousy/envy faces itself in the mirror, it shrinks and dies away gradually.
I have seen what jealousy/envy can do to men, women, institutions, communities, etc and the clearest consequences that go with them.
How I wish, that instead of seeking ways to destroy the object of our natural jealousy, we’d simply smile with the realisation that life is showing the void inside us that needs filling.
I’m still proudly embracing this human part of me. I’m still accumulating so much wisdom and experiences, that I fear my stories would be extremely rich. I fear that there’ll be little or nothing to be jealous about.
I’ll be embraced by lasting peace.
“To feel any of your emotions, you have to feel all of them. You can’t just feel the good ones.” – Nina Hartley
David Francis E.Follow
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